Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

Need to drop a few pounds? I do - like, a “few” times seven or so. In the meantime, it’s all about Spanx, the miraculous shapewear from Atlanta girl (woo hoo!) Sara Blakely. I hate to admit that all of those “Have you lost weight?” comments I’ve been getting recently can’t honestly be answered with “Why yes, and thank you, you wonderfully observant person!”. My seemingly svelte figure is completely the result of my wearing Spanx’s Hide & Sleek Girl Shorts and Slim Cognito Body Shaping Cami. Sara, you deserve a Nobel Prize.

This afternoon (Tuesday) at 1:00 PM EST, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of XM Radio’s “Broadminded” (tune in on XM Channel 155!) to discuss the newest offerings from Spanx: the Bra-llelujah! Full Coverage Front Closure Bra and the latest additions to Spanx’s hosiery line, the Patterned Tight-End Tights and Under the Heel Tight-End Tights.

Big Bro’s gearing up for his first full year of preschool. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 9:15 until 12:15, Mom he will experience three hours of bliss a day filled with art, play, snacks, story time and socializing. I’m not sure who in our house is the most excited.

Of course, there’s a huge list of things I need to pack for his little cubby - a bag of extra clothes, a bag of diapers, a little tote bag, etc. - all of which must be “clearly labeled with his name”.  Sure, I could take a Sharpie to everything, but because it’s Southern, slightly preppy me, I had to do it a little cuter. For my labeling, I’ll be affixing some “Madras Navy” vinyl stickers from Whitney English (printed up with his name on them, of course) to all of his things.

In addition to being adorable, of course, I love that these stickers are waterproof and therefore able to withstand spills, the dishwasher, the sprinkler, the ocean - you name it. They can also be used as gift stickers, book plates, lunch labels, whatever.

Of course, the stickers come in all sorts of other cute little designs. Here are some of my favorites:

Vinyl Stickers from Whitney English. LOVE them.

Long car trips with kids are about as enjoyable as visits from your mother-in-law (well, not if you’re Momtourage member Alison, because hers, Grandmomtourage member Marcia, is awesome). Whether it’s watching four straight hours of Dora, stopping for 15 potty breaks or enduring screams from your baby until you find a rest stop at which you can feed him, car rides with the kids can be so excruciating that you’re tempted to bag family car trips until your kids are in middle school.

There are a few road trip essentials that can make your car trip easier, however. Here are three of my favorites:

1) Munchkin Car Bottle Warmer, $6.39, amazon.com

Store your bottles cold, but when it comes time for a feeding, pop one into this handy warmer, which plugs into any car adapter outlet. Bonus: it also works for baby food jars as well! And don’t worry about leaving it plugged in amidst the chaos - there’s an safety switch that shuts off the warmer when the bottle or jar is removed.

2) Sony DVPFX810/L Portable DVD Player, $129.99, amazon.com

When we got our SUV (I know, I know, I am contributing to the destruction of the planet.... but seriously, it holds so much stuff and so many people!), my husband and I opted to not add the built-in DVD player. Initially, I regretted the decision, but now, I realize that if we had it, each and every car ride with Big Bro would involve begging to watch “Bigfoot Presents: Meteor and the Mighty Monster Trucks”. With a portable DVD player, however, you get to control when the viewing opportunities present themselves. For a total “serenity now” moment, invest in some headphones as well.

3) Toy catalogs

When your kids have had their fill of movies, bust out the reading material. Because books can be a little short (read: not sufficiently attention-holding), I always have a stack of toy catalogs on hand. Nothing keeps big bro occupied more than looking at toy catalogs; honestly, he can leaf through one for a good 45 minutes. To get yourself hooked up, go to some of your favorite toy brands’ websites (try learningcurve.com, step2.com and intplay.com) and request a catalog of their products or hang on to those One Step Aheads that come in your mailbox every week..

What are your car-trip survival tips?

I’m so into watching the Olympics. If I had it my way, I’d spend the next three weeks curled up on he sofa, bag of Trader Joe’s chocolate covered pretzels in hand, fixated on the efforts of Michael Phelps and the tiny little gymnasts. Unfortunately, that’s not gonna happen, so I’ve been trying to get Big Bro as into the viewing as I am, hoping that it eclipses “Bigfoot Presents: Meteor and the Mighty Monster Trucks” and “Word World” as his preferred television viewing.

Today I watched pairs diving with him. He liked it so much that he is now “diving” off of everything - the sofa, his bed, etc.

The way I see it, he’ll either end up in the emergency room or in the 2028 Games.

Even though D.C.’s been experiencing the rainiest summer we’ve ever had in like, a million years, I still need to water the herbs I’m growing on my deck every so often. I’ve got thyme, basil, mint, oregano and rosemary, which all look quite pretty. If only I actually used them when I cook. I’ll get on that eventually.....

Watering cans, though exceptionally practical and necessary, are tough to store - especially when storage space is a premium, which is the case at my house. Because their shape is weird (namely, because their spouts stick so far out), they take up a lot of room. Additionally, their awkward shapes can make for difficult filling - when doing so, you gotta angle them in some weird way to make them fit under your faucet because few actually can sit inside your sink bowl. Annoying, right? Well, at the beginning of the summer, I found OXO’s Pour and Store Watering Can at my local hardware store, and it is rocking my world, thanks to its long spout, which swivels both out to water and back inside towards the body of can, making it all neat and compact for filling and for storage.

Here it is “regular”:

and here it is “tucked in”:

These watering cans come in all sorts of pretty colors (I have the blue) and sizes. A 1-quart “mini” size will run you 9.99 on amazon.com, whereas the 2.11 gallon big daddy is $24.99, also on amazon.com.

Every now and then, I do find that the little things make me happy. Imagine that.

I don’t care if you’re a Democrat or a Republican - if you’re a parent and are anything but disgusted by President Bush and the Republicans, you’re not paying attention. Here’s the deal:

In today’s Washington Post, there’s an article about how yesterday, Congressional negotiators agreed to a ban on a family of toxins found in children’s products. This ban will include three types of phthalates, which are found in plastics (they make plastic softer and more durable) commonly used in children’s toys, and to outlaw three other phthalates pending a study of their health effects in children and pregnant women. Why? Well, phthalates act as hormones and cause reproductive problems, especially in boys. Federally funded research found that male babies born to women with high levels of phthalates in their blood exhibited low sperm count, undescended testicles and other reproductive problems. Other studies have connected some phthalates to liver and kidney cancer. For purposes of global comparison, the European Union banned the six phthalates in question from children’s products in 1999 and more than a dozen other countries have done the same.

In a mind-blowing response, White House spokesman Tony Fratto said that President Bush opposes this ban. I’m going to repeat this and make it bold, because I want to make sure everyone gets this: President Bush opposes banning plastics that are harmful to children and pregnant women.

This makes me so angry that I am shaking. Shaking. Do I even need to explain why?

Joining President Bush on the deplorably disgusting list: (no shocker here) Exxon Mobil, which manufacturers the phthalate most frequently found in children’s toys. The company spent a chunk of its $22 million lobbying budget in the past 18 months to try to prevent this ban and try to get people to believe that banning phthalates may inadvertently expose children to greater risks, because manufacturers will be forced to use substitute chemicals that may be even more hazardous. Let me get this straight, Exxon Mobil: the U.S. should so allow toxic chemicals to be placed in kids’ toys because there’s a chance that whatever we decide to replace them with might end up being toxic too? Um, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and recommend we just go right on ahead and get rid of the stuff we know is highly toxic, mmmkay? I have faith that on he next go-’round we’ll make sure that sperm and kidney-destroying chemicals aren’t allowed into rubber duckies. Seriously, how do these people sleep at night?

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), who sponsored the ban, said yesterday that the action is a first step toward moving the United States closer to the European model, where industry must prove the safety of a chemical before it is allowed on the market. Now seriously, doesn’t that make sense? Perhaps some prelim research prior to a chemical additive’s approval (as opposed to waiting until children suffer health consequences and THEN taking action) is a wise plan, no? Sadly, only the Democrats agree with her. Senate and House Republicans all voted against the ban, and you know why. Of course, the jerks at Exxon Mobil, etc. poured all kinds of obscene money into the Republicans’ re-election campaigns (check their campaign finance records - it’s publicly available info) in exchange for promises that they’d vote to oppose this ban. Really, how can we not be disgusted by the fact that our governmental representatives can and are willing to be bought at the expense of our safety - ESPECIALLY that of our kids?

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that do not hide the fact that I am a liberal. To me, however, this shouldn’t a partisan issue; liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, parent or not, you should support a ban on using toxic ingredients when making kids’ toys. The record is clear, though: the lawmakers against this ban are Republicans, and the ones supporting the ban are Democrats.

We must keep this in mind when we vote this November.

I was on Little Rock’s B98.5 this morning discussing my “A Guide to Loving Southern Men” article and had a blast. Wanna listen? Click here (and enjoy my seriously souped-up southern accent - it always happens when I talk to southern folks...and have a few drinks). 

Big bro has been going through a period where he prefers that we call him by a name other than his own. The name changes weekly, and most are plucked from things he sees on television. There was a five week-long “Backyardigans” phase where he was “Pablo” for one week, “Austin” for two, “Tasha” for another and then “Pablonator” (from the “Cops and Robots” episode, naturally) for the final week. After that, he wanted to be addressed as “Mr. Diego”, which I am assuming is some sort of Dora/Diego reference, though I have no idea from where the “Mr.” originated (because really, shouldn’t it be Señor ?). Up until last weekend, his name choice was “Pony”, one of the monster trucks in “Meteor and the Mighty Monster Trucks”. Interestingly, Pony is the only girl truck on the show - and just happens to be purple. As much as I’d like to use this selection as ”Maybe my son IS gay!!!” evidence, I actually think he likes her because she’s purple, his favorite color (which, still, is not totally masculine, right?). Anyway...presently, he’s “Remy” from the movie “Ratatoullie”. He’s even gone so far as to dub Little Bro “Emile” (the big brother rat in the movie, but whatever....), my husband “Daddy Rat” and me “Mommy Rat”.

When he chooses a name, we MUST address him as such. Calling him by his actual name gets you a swift admonishing ("It’s Remy."). He gets into it by referring to his newly-monikered self in the third person ("Remy wants a cookie!”, “Remy does not want to take a rat bath!"). If you want to get him to do something, the only way to be successful is to call him by his new name. Apparently, this goes on at school too. After requesting that she call him “Pony”, his teacher, who also happens to be Grandmomtourage member Debbie, mother of Momtourage member Jen, assumed this was my pet name for him, and asked Jen to confirm her suspicion. “No, I thought it was Mr. Diego,” she replied. Of course, I had to explain that no, in fact, he’s actually so obsessed with a purple, female monster truck (which part of that is the most objectionable?) from television that he feels compelled to take on her identity. “Ohhhhh...” they replied.

What’s funny about this story is that apparently my husband went through a similar phase. In the first grade, the school called his mother to tell him that he had been writing “Pelé Kaplan” as his name on all of his assignments.

His teachers were not amused. Neither was my education professor mother-in-law when they called her in for a conference and tried to tell her to make him stop. “Why don’t you just worry about teaching, okay?” she told them. “He can sign his name however he wants.” Oh, snap! Of course, she knew he’d eventually grow out of it, which he has. For the most part.

Of course, just like my mother-in-law, I know this little role-playing thing is a harmless phase. I just hope that when he’s tempted to dye his hair blue or pierce his nose to “express himself” in high school, he just asks to be called “Pony” instead.

Below is an email I received today from “Mary Miller”, in response to an article I have up today on MSN.com titled “A Guide to Loving Southern Men”:

Your article on MSN on How to Love a Southern Man confirms my observation that people from the South don’t get around much. Being a transplant from California (yes, it’s more than 1 big amusement park) I can tell you that men in California ALSO like their mama’s, biscuits, quirky family members and have the “sensitivity” to open doors and to sit deep in thought without much to say all thru dinner (supper to you). I am here to “gently” and “sweetly” inform you that the same types also live in every other state I drove across to reach Atlanta. Thanks for giving “the rest of us” your secret insights to nothing new. At least the bottom line found you throwing off your blinders and marrying a “Northerner”. Finally, something to smile sweetly at.

...and my response:

Mary,

While people from the south might not “get around much”, you, apparently, don’t read much. As the intro to the article very clearly states, the text of the article contains the advice/opinions of Deborah Ford, author of “Bless His Heart: The GRITS Guide To Living With (or Just Loving) a Southern Man” - not mine. Therefore, I’m not sure why you sent your obnoxious, moronic comments to me and not her.

I am pleased, however, to hear that you now reside in my hometown of Atlanta. Southern women will eat a bitch like you for lunch. I just wish I could be there to see it happen.

Cheers!
Chelsea

A few weeks ago I wrote about what I believe to be the cutest kids’ stationery ever. This week, I’ve got something for us, mamas.

Again, I’m somewhat obsessed with stationery. Therefore, for me to label a particular brand as my new favorite - well, that really means something. In researching for the upcoming personalized stationery piece I’m writing for The Family Groove’s October issue, I came across the sweet, cheeky, handmade papergoods from Angeline Tsao of Cake + Milk Paperie and instantly fell in love.  The hallmark of Tsao’s designs is her use of fabric; many of her products are adorned with ribbon or shimmery thread, like her adorable Ribbon Note Cards, for example:

...and also the Swen Ricrac Custom Stationery:

Tsao’s other designs are equally magnificent - you must check them out and get some for your very own or, if you’re feeling in the mood to give as opposed to receive, for a friend. Once you find something that strikes your fancy, type “The Momtourage “ in the “How’d you hear about our shop?” box during checkout because Tsao’s offering The Momtourage a great little freebie: set of Shimmery Flats and envelopes in your choice of color (just type that in the box too) with purchase of any personalized stationery. This offer is only good through 8/15, so don’t dilly-dally, sisters.

Write on!