Musings About Life... After Birth

One of the headlines on msn.com today boasts the top-10 lists for 2007 baby names. Usually such data is collected from the census bureau, but this list is branded as the The BabyCenter® Top Baby Names of 2007. Not a huge fan of info from any trademarked source, but whatever, here they are:

Top 10 Girl Names

1. Sophia
2. Isabella
3. Emma
4. Madison
5. Ava
6. Addison
7. Hailey
8. Emily
9. Kaitlyn
10. Olivia

Top 10 Boy Names

1. Aiden
2. Ethan
3. Jacob
4. Jayden
5. Caleb
6. Noah
7. Jackson
8. Jack
9. Logan
10. Matthew

I gotta say that none of these particularly surprised me. I mean, when you read them, weren’t you like, “Uh, huh…uh huh.., yep, I know one of those…...”? My son’s name isn’t on the list, but I bet it’s in the top 20.

What I do find interesting about the list, however, is how certain names fall in and out of fashion. Like, for my generation, there were all sorts of Jennifers, Jessicas, Amys and Allisons. For my mom’s generation, Cheryls, Judys and Barbaras ruled, and my grandmother’s, names like Sylvia, Pearl and Annette were in fashion. For men it’s the same thing. My husband’s name is Richard, but he goes by Rick. Who names their kid Richard or Rick (and certainly not “Dick”) anymore? How do names become popular and, likewise, lame?

It seems pop culture has a lot to do with it. The article on MSN notes that the girl’s name “Addison” jumped a whopping 20 spots this year to land in the top 10, citing actress Kate Walsh’s portrayal of Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd on “Grey’s Anatomy” and its spin-off, “Private Practice.” I remember how in the 90s my name, Chelsea, became popular because of Chelsea Clinton, yet now that Bill Clinton is out of office you don’t really hear about people naming their girls “Chelsea” any more (though perhaps if Hillary gets elected in ‘08 the name will make a comeback). “Madison”, apparently, is the new millennium “Chelsea”.  I wonder, will my grandkids be making fun of my name the way my friends and I joke at the thought of naming our kids Sylvia and Edna after our grandmas?

Momtourage member Jenny and I got our kids (she has 3 year-old twin girls - my son is so gonna love me when he’s older) together today for a play date and lunch. Over pizza, we discussed this name issue and specifically, the comeback of all sorts of old-school, traditionally “Jewish” names. Max, of course has become huge, as has Eli, which my friend Lisa’s mom dubbed “and old Jewish man name” after Lisa chose it for her newborn. I remember my mother-in-law noting that my nephew Elliot was playing at his friend Harry’s house along with another friend, Sam, claiming, “Sam, Elliot and Harry - it sounds like a pinochle (and old-school Jewish card game) game!” When my son was born, Rick desperately wanted to same him “Sol” (pronounced “Saul”, not “Soul” as in “Train”) after his late grandfather. I told him that over my dead body would my kid be named Sol Kaplan. Sol Kaplan wears sandals with black socks and plays shuffleboard at his senior residence in Boca Raton. Jenny mentioned that “Goldie” is making a resurgence for girls, and that she knows someone who recently named her daughter Hilda (Hilde for short) after her grandma. “Some names are so bad they’re kinda cute,” Jenny said. Max and Eli, of course, and maybe even Goldie, but Hilda….uhhhhh, not so sure.

Kaplan baby #2, which we know will be a boy (a moment’s pause as we once again mourn the dream of a pink nursery), will be named after my late brother-in-law, Andy, whose given name was Andrew. We’ll shorten Andrew to “Drew”, which I think is a cool name, especially with Kaplan. We have no idea on a middle name, however. We tease that we should bring back Eugene, Ira or Abe, but I know it’s not gonna happen. The funny thing is, many things put with Andrew sounds quite presidential (Andrew Henry, Andrew Benjamin). Any ideas? We’re stumped.

Ah, getting away was nice. Coming home, however, not so much.

Sure, my husband and I were bummed to have to leave our childless (at least in our case - there were plenty of families at the resort with kids - many of whom included moms who toted their 6 month-old babies on their string bikini-clad hips…who the HELL are these women????) Caribbean paradise, but we were super psyched to return home and see our little guy, who, of course,  we did actually miss.

When we got home, our normally energetic/spirited kid was a total and complete nutball. Think the Tasmanian Devil after downing 14 red bulls and and inhaling an entire 8-ball of cocaine. Perhaps inspired by the Backyardigans “Race Around the World” episode, he took to literally racing around the house, begging us to shout “On your mark, get set, GO!” every five minutes from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep. He was also talking nonstop - offering a veritable Marv Albert-esque play-by-play of every single thing that was going on (“Mommy, I’m eating Goldfish! - “, “Daddy, look! The lights on the fire truck are blinking!”, “Mommy, I’m squirting the body wash into the tub!”). After four days of being home alone with him - especially following our vacation - my husband and I were shadows of our former selves. It was like a hurricane of 2 year-old hit our house. One named after my kid.

I was lamenting about my exhaustion to my brother-in-law, Michael, a child psychiatrist who, in addition to working in private practice, serves as an Assistant Professor at the Yale Child Study Center in New Haven, CT. Needless to say, he has somewhat of an understanding of juvenile behavior. He noted that when he and my sister-in-law used to come home from vacation, they always had to “pay” with their kids, who are now 12 and 8. “When you go away and then come back, little kids especially can be hard to deal with upon your return,” he explained. “Because they don’t have the words or communication skills to express their anxiety or anger over the fact that you left - even if they were completely fine or entertained - they still missed you, and that likely made them sad, mad and a little scared. Running wild is just one way of their expressing that. It’s normal, and should subside after a few days, though - don’t worry,”  he reassured me.

I couldn’t believe that explanation for my kid’s ridiculous “energy” hadn’t entered into my mind; it made so much sense. I thought our kid hadn’t skipped a beat when we left, but apparently he did. As sad as it made me to think he felt sad, mad or anxious as a result of our departure, it made me feel good to know that he loves and needs us.

Now that we’ve established that everyone missed each other, though, can we please calm the f down?

My husband and I are in sunny Grand Cayman for a little birthday celebration for him/pre-baby holiday. My folks came up to DC to watch my son, so we’re off,  child-free, and taking full advantage of the 5-times-a-day food “presentations” on the club level at our hotel. Sadly, I can’t take advantage of the round-the-clock free alcohol, but trust me, this pregnant chick is more than making up for that by eating my fair share.

I see a bunch of people here at the hotel vacationing with kids my son’s age. Each time I do, I feel a little guilty that we did not bring him along with us. Then I come to my senses.

One of the questions I get the most frequently from my blog readers and readers of The Family Groove is “What do I need to put on my baby registry?” I totally get it. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had no idea what I really needed. There’s so much crap out there, and so very many varieties of all the crap out there. Besides taking the advice of your friends and family, how are you to know what you’ll really and truly need?

Of course, I have opinions on everything, and even though I like to think I am always right, I know I’m not. When it comes to creating a baby registry, however, I feel pretty darn confident in my recommendations. In addition to the knowledge I’ve amassed living through having a baby and toddler and knowing first-hand what I used and what was completely unnecessary, my job as Deputy Editor of TFG allows me to keep my finger on the pulse of the latest and greatest when it comes to everything baby-related. Between the two experiences, and the recommendations of The Momtourage, I feel exceptionally informed.

If you need tips on what to register for, check out my ultimate registry guide. In it, I give you the dirt on exactly what you’ll need immediately after baby comes, and what you’ll probably need in the long run (and should therefore go ahead and add to your registry - especially if you have all sorts of folks clamoring to get you a gift).

One of the items I include in the guide is the Britax Diplomat, a new car seat from Britax, the company that, in my opinion (and in the past, that of Consumer Reports as well), makes the best, safest car seats.  The Diplomat is a slightly smaller version of Britax’s popular Boulevard model (which I own), and can hold a child weighing up to 40 lbs. They’re available for $259.99 with free shipping at barebabies.com.

Want to win one? Send me an email at chelsea@themomtourage.com and include your name, mailing address, email address and age of your kids/grandkids/kids-to-be (as always, none of this info will be shared with any outside parties -I promise.). THREE lucky winners will be chosen at random. One entry per family, please. All entries must be received by December 31.

If you’re a seasoned mom, let me know if there’s anything you think I need to add to the registry recommendations list. I love getting recs from other moms!

Labels: gear, pregnancy, the madness of motherhood

This article about “push presents”, which ran in last Thursday’s NY Times, has, of course, been forwarded around the Momtourage quite a bit lately. Titled “A bundle of joy isn’t enough?”, the piece focuses on the practice of men giving their birthing wives/girlfriends gifts (often referred to as “push presents”, which I have always found a particularly revolting term) as a way to celebrate the birth and show their appreciation for everything the mom endured. The piece suggests that many women have come to expect these gifts, though some women interviewed say they feel such an expectation is silly. Some men interviewed say they are cool with giving such gifts, while others apparently think such a practice is ludicrous.

Back in November, I wrote a piece for The Family Groove on this very topic. Though I initially assumed this “push present” practice was one unique to our unapologetically consumerist American culture (of which I am, admittedly, an active participant), in doing my research for the article, I found that the “push present” tradition is actually one that has longstanding cultural roots that extend outside of the U.S. (strangely, the NY Times article included no such background/anthropological info….who employs the more investigative journalists now, big-city paper???). In England, for example, after a woman gives birth, her man is expected to buy her an elegant ring, while in India, a man bestows a set of gold jewelry upon his birthing mama, offering more elaborate baubles for boy babies than girls. Apparently, push presents aren’t distinctively American.

I’m not exactly sure where I stand on the issue. Sure, I think the practice is really nice, but do I expect it? No. Would I be disappointed if my husband didn’t give me something after I give birth to baby #2? Probably, but only because this “push present” practice seems to be so widespread these days. Blame it on the media. Or peer pressure. Or on Tiffany and Co., which runs a really sweet ad for their “Tiffany Celebration Rings” with the tagline “Maybe there’s a baby” imposed over a woman cradling a baby girl while wearing a diamond and pink sapphire eternity band, which Momtourage member Lauren requested and was given after she gave birth to her daughter, Sammi. I was suckered into it too, and now have a blue sapphire one on my right hand in “celebration” of my son’s birth. NY Momtourage member Carrie requested a personal trainer in lieu of “baby bling”. Perhaps hers was the wisest request of all; diamonds are forever, but sometimes, it feels like post-pregnancy cellulite is too.

What do you think of “push presents”? Revolting? Phenomenal? Necessary, considering you endured 9 months of heartburn?

One more reason to love the city of Philadelphia:

As reported in today’s New York times, for the past three years, the Philadelphia council of the Boy Scouts of America has resisted the city’s request to change its discriminatory policy toward gay people.  The city threatened that if the Philly Scouts Council did not change their policies, the city would evict the group from a municipal (read: taxpayer dollar-funded) building where the Scouts have resided practically rent free since 1928.

Philly officials said they have a duty to defend civil rights and an obligation to abide by a local law that bars taxpayer support for any group that discriminates. The Boy Scouts argued with this, saying they had a right to preserve their culture and deserved the protection of the right of private organizations to remain exclusive and have traditions like requiring members to swear an oath of duty to God and prohibiting membership by anyone who is openly homosexual.

This week, the Philly city council made the decision to boot the Scouts out.

Here’s why I think Philadelphia rules: Under federal law, various forms of discrimination on the basis of race, religion, nation origin and sex are illegal.  Sadly, however, according to federal law, sexual orientation is not a basis of discrimination that is illegal. In the city ordinances of Philadelphia, however, it is. Just like it should be nationwide.

Because the Boy Scouts are a private institution, they absolutely have every right in the world to have the policies they do - like ‘em or not. I’ll go ahead and register my opinion on said policies, however: Their (essentially Christian) religious leanings don’t bother me - if you are cool with pledging and oath to God, by all means, join. If you’re an atheist, don’t. I think their policies regarding homosexuality, however, are nauseating. Whether you believe homosexuality is fine or reprehensible, discrimination is discrimination, and in my opinion, discrimination is flat-out wrong (and, if I remember correctly, the last time I read passages from the New Testament, Jesus preached love and acceptance of all people).

The policies of the Boy Scouts bother me so much that unless they change them, I refuse to let my son ever be a Boy Scout. It’s sad, actually, because I’m sure the Boy Scouts stand for and teach all sorts of cool values and skills - ones I am sure my son would benefit from learning.  I feel the organization’s ridiculously small-minded beliefs trump all its good ones, however, and I don’t want my son or family to be affiliated with such an unapologetically prejudiced institution. How is banning membership to all openly gay people different than banning membership to all openly Jewish people, or people of any faith? In my opinion, sending my son to join the Boy Scouts is not too different than sending him to join the KKK or some Neo-Nazi group. When you boil it down, they all preach a form of hate. Though some clearly do it more overtly than others, preaching hate is preaching hate.

Boo Boy Scouts and bravo, Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly Love, indeed.

Mothers of boys (or mothers in general): In light of these policies, would you let you son join the Boy Scouts? Why or why not?

Catch me on XM Radio’s “Broadminded” Thursday afternoon at 12:20 PM EST (and replayed at 6:20 PM EST) on XM Channel 155. I’ll be showing Broads Molly, Christine and Shari two of my Mom must-haves for the holiday and New Year: hip diaper bags from Mia Bossi and Lipo in a Box’s super-slimming High Waist Brief with Legs.

First,  we’ll check out some seriously stylish diaper bags from Mia Bossi, a brand carried by celeb moms including Katie Holmes and Madonna. I’ll showcase my favorites styles, the patent leather Caryn bag:

and the Reese, a messenger-style bag in the line’s “black bean” pattern:
Though pricey, these bags are cool enough that you might even catch yourself continuing to carry them after your baby outgrows diapers. The bags are available at miabossi.com for $440 and $445, respectively.

Next, the Broads will try on Lipo in a Box’s High Waist Brief with Legs, a super-slimming undergarment designed to flatten out all of your lumps and bumps (and recently featured on “Oprah”):

Constructed with a waist high enough not to roll, the garment is meant to flatten your tummy and lift and shape your butt, allowing curves and avoiding the dreaded flat-butt effect and panty lines. Okay, so it’s decidedly unsexy, but remember: you’re wearing it under you clothes, ladies. This baby is Spanx on steroids - great for any woman who wants a little instant slimming - especially perfect for new moms who have yet to begin losing their baby weight. It’s available for $40 at lipoinabox.com.

Imelda Marcos: Shoes

Chelsea Kaplan:

a) shoes
b) handbags
c) strollers
d) number or reality shows on my DVR’s “season pass” list
e) all of the above

Okay, okay, I admit it: the answer’s probably “e”. Really and truly, though, if you took a peek into my garage, you’d see that the real answer is “c”. I freaking love strollers.

Maybe it’s because I actually really love cars and wish I could have a celebrity-on-MTV’s “Cribs”-sized collection of them. I mean, how cool would it be to have an entire fleet of cars to suit your every need? A big ‘ol environmentally-unfriendly SUV to haul around your kids and a boatload of crap from Target, a sporty convertible for summer weekend jaunts, a luxury sedan for road trips….... Of course, because they’re awfully expensive, my owning a Jerry Seinfeld-sized collection of vehicles is out of the question.

However, as strollers are considerably less expensive, owning a fleet of kiddie-carting “cars” seems far less prohibitive, especially as I can just as easily justify the multitude of situations necessitating separate models. I have a lightweight Maclaren Techno XT for quick trips in-and-out of the car that I keep in the back of my MDX (also known as “The Official Car of The Momtourage”, as about half of us own one). A Peg Perego Pliko P3 for trips to the mall or museums (its awesome snack tray is key in these situations), a rugged Bugaboo Chameleon for long walks around the neighborhood, walks along DC’s Capital Crescent Trail or trips to the Zoo and a Baby Jogger City Series for when my parents are in town and my Dad wants to take my son running (those of you who read this blog regularly know I’m allergic to exercise and therefore do not use the Baby Jogger much myself, despite the fact that it’s an awesome stroller). I know owning four strollers is somewhat obscene, but I must say, I use each with considerable regularity. The only thing I do find particularly obscene about the number of strollers I own, however, is the amount of space said strollers take up. I’ll put it to you this way: our house had a two-car garage, and my husband parks outside.

Because I’m so into strollers (and, of course, because as a parenting journalist, staying on top of this kind of news is my job), I anticipate new stroller launches the way many men (and women, I imagine) look forward to seeing each year’s newest auto body styles. Recently, Baby Jogger came out with a gorgeous array of new strollers for 2008 that I LOVE: the City Elite, the City Classic and the City Mini. My favorite of the bunch is the City Mini, which is slimmer, lightweight (only 16.8 lbs.) and more maneuverable than the classic City Series stroller. Though made by Baby Jogger, the City Mini is meant to be used as an “everyday” stroller. The “coupe” to the City Series “sedan”, it builds upon the same features that make the City Series stroller a proverbial favorite among parents, but in a smaller, more compact package. Though it was designed with urban parents in mind (those who need a high-quality, durable stroller that will both easily maneuver city streets while at the same time not take up a third of their apartment), it’s equally appropriate for suburban parents as well - especially ones like me who don’t have much garage space to spare.  It comes in Red/Black, Orange/Grey, Blue/Navy, Green/Grey and Black/Black, and can accomodate kids up to 50 lbs (100 pounds for the double).  It retails for $199, while the City Mini Double is $349.  To purchase one, go to babyjogger.com to find the retailer nearest you.

The coolest thing about the City Mini: I’ve got a brand new one in Black/Black (the chicest color, in my opinion) to give away! If you’re in need of a new stroller to add to your fleet, send me an email at chelsea@themomtourage.com and include your name, mailing address, email address and age of your kids/grandkids/kids-to-be (none of this info will be shared with any outside parties because ewwwww, that’s gross). One lucky winner will be chosen at random. One entry per family, please. All entries must be received by Friday, December 14. Good luck!