Musings About Life... After Birth

I’m not even going to pretend that I enjoy household cleaning chores. I know there are some people who get some serious satisfaction from making the house all spic and span (my mother, Momtourage member Alison), but I am sooooo not one of them. Finding the perfect shoes? Exhilarating. Scrubbing the countertops until they glisten? Akin to a bikini wax in terms of enjoyability.

I do, however, actually like performing one household cleaning task: doing dishes. For whatever reason, I really enjoy getting dishes sparkling clean. For me, it’s a very Zen experience - the warm water, the lemony smell of dish soap, the bubbles and, most of all, the methodical, rhythmic scrubbing. The only thing that sucks about it is that it’s hell on your nails - especially if they’re painted. Wearing gloves is one way to prevent ruining your manicure, but in my opinion, they’re the condoms of washing dishes: necessary for protection, but ultimately a barrier that makes for a slightly less pleasurable, numbed experience. But I digress…..

I thought that the act of dish washing was perfection until I recently came across the O-Cel-O Expressions line, a collection of decorative sponges, scrubbing mitts, dish wands and bamboo cleaning cloths. Perhaps it’s because I grew up with a mom who is an interior decorator, but I just can’t resist cute home goods, and these are downright adorable. For some reason, washing dishes with fun, fancy accessories makes it all the better.

Momtourage members Alicia, Lauren and I all had little boy babies (baby #2 for all of us) within a few weeks of each other. Alicia was first, and after swearing by the success the book “Good Night Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake up Happy” by Kim West provided her with getting little Seth on a good sleep schedule, she sent the book to me and Lauren. “We’ll all have to discuss it after you read it,” she said. “Kinda like a new moms book club, you know?” I have to say, I really liked the book. Lots of good suggestions on how to get your kids sleeping well - with much focus on the ultimate goal of infant rearing: getting your kid to sleep through the night.

Like Alicia, it seems every mom has at least one “book” - some guide she swears helped her with her kids because it holds all the valuable tips and answers. My preferred baby literature has always been Tracy Hogg’s “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” , which offers awesome tips to get your kid on a schedule, sleep through the night, etc., and Dr. Harvey Karp’s “The Happiest Baby on the Block”, which offers helpful hints on how to soothe and calm your baby. I’ve recommended both to all sorts of people, and have found that others like them as well.

What are your preferred baby/kid-raising guides? I’m always up for some new tips, because - believe it or not - I so don’t have all the answers.

Tune into XM Channel 155 tomorrow from 12-3 PM EST! I’ll be co-hosting “Broadminded” with with my pal (and Momtourage member) Christine Eads.

There will be all sorts of cool guests on the show including some of the ladies from Mamapalooza, a community of musicians, authors, comics, dancers, filmmakers, designers, craftswomen, educators, and community leaders coming together in a collaborative effort to “highlight the challenges of motherhood in an ever-evolving personal, social, cultural, sexual and political landscape”.

The BPA issue I previously wrote about continues to be a major concern for parents everywhere. I still recommend reading up on it, y’all…what’s more important than the health of your kids?

Momtourage member Amy again delivered, sending me these sources for info on products containing BPA:

This is a link that has a list of which products have BPA and which products are BPA-free…if you click on the name brand you can find out which bottles/sippy cups/etc are safe or not:

http://zrecs.blogspot.com/2008

-care-products.html

And for those that have toddlers, here’s a link to a list of sippy cups that are bpa-free:

http://zrecs.blogspot.com/2007

-bpa-free-sippy.html

Momtourage member Amy sent me an email the other day with the information on “My Beautiful Mommy”, a new children’s book. Sounds sweet, right?

Uh, not so much.

This book, by Florida-based plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer, is billed by its author as “the first book that explains plastic surgery to kids”, an issue with which he says many of his patients struggle.

“More than half the women that come in for procedures bring their children with them,” he said. “And most parents go into denial about the surgery with regard to their children.”

OK, seriously….who brings their KIDS to a plastic surgery consultation - or worse, procedure? People other than The Real Housewives of New York City?

The book’s story focuses on the journey of a mother and her child as they visit the “fictional” office of the “fictional” “Dr. Michael” for cosmetic surgery. The mother explains her impending nose job and tummy tuck to her young daughter, but oddly chooses to hide the fact that she’s also springing for some double D’s. That’s right - Mama also gets a boob job, but Salzhauer is “judicious” enough to use only illustrations to bring that piece of the story to life. “She does get a boob job, but I skirt that issue because I think that’s the parents’ choice whether they want to address that particular part of the operation with their children,” he explains. Because talk about breasts may freak kids out, ya know? The idea of tummy tucks and nose jobs, however, don’t, apparently.

“Why are you going to look different?” asks the daughter of her mother in the car ride back from the doctor’s office. “Not just different, my dear — prettier!” exclaims the mother.

Ick.

When prodded by her daughter as to why she’s getting a small home’s value worth of plastic surgery, Mommy explains how her clothes don’t fit properly anymore because of her stretched-out stomach. You know, all as a result of bringing her daughter, the little wench, into the world. Sweet message, Mom. “I’m going under the knife because you wreaked havoc on my body, sweetheart! If something - God forbid - happens to me, don’t spend too many years in analysis trying to get over it - especially since we won’t have any money to pay for it after I spend it all with (the fictional) Dr. Michael!”

By the end of the story, you can bounce quarters off of Mommy’s abs and her nose looks like a Swiss ski slope. And, of course, even though it’s not addressed explicitly (discretion, y’all), her ta-tas are Playmate of the Month-worthy. It’s a happy ending akin to Cinderella ending up with the prince.

For the record, I don’t think plastic surgery itself is ridiculous at all. If you want it, Sisters (or Brothers, for that matter) - go forth like the wind and get it, I say. I’ve always felt this way, but especially now that my “I’ve had two kids” body is sag-alicious. I wouldn’t rule out a tummy tuck, but would I ever buy a book to explain it to my kids? Um, no. I certainly get the need for children’s literature that explains illnesses, death, the impending arrival of baby siblings, etc. to kids, but plastic surgery? Really?

To this question, Salzhauer answers:

“When mom goes down everyone in the house is affected — especially the kids,” he says, adding that many kids get upset when their mother seems sick or too tired to play. “They know something is going on and she has bandages, so they start to ask, ‘What’s wrong with mommy?’”

I would “go down” from my overwhelming feeling that this is surely the sign of the apocalypse, but I’m too consumed with laughing my ass off. Whee! One less area to liposuction!

I’ve lamented many times about how I long to cease carrying a diaper bag and resume ownership of a cool purse. Alas, it’s not gonna happen anytime soon - especially now that I have two children, both of whom require totally different “stuff”.

In the abyss that is my diaper bag, I have all sorts of crap - diapering essentials, a bib, a burp cloth, toys, bottles, sippy cups, snacks, a little bag for myself (with Advil, lip balm, MAC Blot Powder, Kleenex, etc.), my cell phone, my wallet, pacifiers…see why I still have to carry one? As the snacks crumble and the cups spill, things get all schmutzy and/or wet, and often, the big stuff pushes the little stuff to the bottom, making it all hard to dig out. Annoying.

One solution I’ve found to help keep my diaper bag organized (and its contents protected) is The Handy Sack. These functional and fashionable pouches are made of commercially coated cotton (they come in all sorts of cute patterns) that is stain and water repellent, so they - and their contents - won’t get ruined by an exploding bottle or smashed pack of Saltines. The front is clear, so you can see exactly what’s inside - spoons, toys, passies - whatever - and you’ll always know when you need to restock it. They’re great for travel too - just stash all of your child’s toiletries in it and you’re good to go.

To purchase your very own Handy Sack, visit divasanddrooligans.com. They retail for $22.95 each, but if you use promotion code April15FamilyFUN, you can get 15% off! Want to win one? Send your name, address and kids’ ages to me at chelsea@themomtourage.com.