Musings About Life... After Birth

Stay tuned….

Those of you who read this blog regularly know that I have two sons and no daughters. As it looks less likely every day that I can handle having more kids (read: another shot at a girl), I am therefore hoping that at least one of my sons will be gay. If this is true, perhaps I will have one shopping and Project Runway-obsessed companion who will not think twice about traveling to the beach with me when he’s 30. Let’s be honest here: if one of my 30-year old, married,  straight sons wants to go on vacation with his Mommy, that’s a little weird. If one of those sons is gay, however, not so much. You feeling me here?

My littlest guy is only 2 months old, so I have no read on him yet. My oldest son, however, I think I do. He is 2 1/2, has always been obsessed with tractors. His obsession of the moment, however is monster trucks. No only does he reek of “straight”, he also smacks of my South Georgia heritage. Sadly, I’m just not thinking he’s gonna be gay.

To divert his attention from tractors and monster trucks towards pink tutus and The Nutcracker, I begged Momtourage member Alison to take him as her twin daughters’ “special guest” to ballet class, but she didn’t, opting instead to bring Momtourgae member Jen’s little girl, Maddie. “I guess he could go too,” she said, “but it will probably be all girls.” I know she was humoring me in pretending to entertain the idea, but I was serious.

Recently, however, I’m feeling a little more optimistic, as he’s been exhibiting some slightly promising tendencies:

1) He demonstrates a CLEAR preference for the colors purple and pink (usually purple, but #2 is pink). I’m gonna ignore the fact that he asked for a red balloon instead of his predictable purple the other day when we were at Trader Joe’s. He said it was because it was the same color as a fire truck, but I think by “fire truck” he meant lipstick.

2) He is WAY into blow drying his hair with my hair dryer.

Thank you to everyone who has been sending me emails telling my how much they’re loving their Handy Sacks. Don’t they totally rule? I’m telling you, the seriously eliminate that annoying diaper bag/purse chaos. If you haven’t purchased one, you can still get them at Divas and Drooligans  - and if you use code MAYGROOVE15SAVE, they’ll knock 15% off the price!

Here’s another recommendation and chance to win something else I love from Divas and Drooligans. First, however, a little background:

I have a minor obsession with bibs and burp cloths. I can’t get enough of them. Especially when you’re outside the house,  there’s just something nice about throwing a cute little cloth (as opposed to a schmutzy rag) over your shoulder - even if its purpose is to protect your clothes from you baby’s puke. Likewise, to me, fastening a cute little bib on my baby just feels far more civilized than a stained, crappy one. Don’t get me wrong - I understand that baby gear is not always gonna look pristine, but you can at least try to avoid falling into the ratty bib trap. Basically, I see bibs and burp cloths as the baby gear equivalent to an adult’s sweatpants; you can go old and comfy, and that’s totally fine, but with just a little extra effort, you can avoid schlumpiness.

When it comes to the kinds of bibs and burp cloths I like, I have two favorite styles: monogrammed/personalized ones (that’s the Southern in me), and groovy, whimsical ones (That’s the former NYC gal in me). There are all sorts of places to get great-looking monogrammed/personalized bibs and burp cloths (my personal favorites are The Cutest Things and Moonbeam Baby). For whimsically cute ones, however, I love these the chenille-backed sets from Divas and Drooligans:

I love Self magazine - especially the beauty features. And it’s not just because most are written and/or produced by one of my best friends, Leah Wyar, Self’s Deputy Beauty Director (she and I have known each other for nearly eight years - beginning way back when we were little baby beauty editors!). Self’s beauty content is just really straightforward, honest and accessible, and that’s how beauty talk should be, you know?

Presently, Self is running a very cool contest that I have to tell you all about:

If you’re at least 18 years old, you could score a session with celeb hairstylist David Evangelista and be featured (with your new, gorgeous ‘do) in the September issue of SELF. The makeover and photo shoot will take place on May 28 and 29. You must be available both days; if you’re not in the NYC area, you will need to arrive by May 27.

Interested? Fill out and submit the below information by this Friday.

1. Which celebrity hair style appeals to you most?

                 
1) Jessica Alba’s lengthy waves    

2) Gwyneth Paltrow’s textured bob            

3) Reese Witherspoon’s long, sleek strands

            4) Rihanna’s chic, short cut        

5) Nicole Richie’s off-the-face fabulous style

2. Why are you drawn to that style?

3. What problems are you looking to resolve in your next hair cut?

4. Why do you especially need a new style now? (i.e., an upcoming reunion or other important date/situation?)

5. What is your:

full name ________________________________________________

email address _____________________________________________

daytime phone number _____________________________________

Send this info, along with a picture of yourself (they prefer candid headshots), to alexandra_samuel@condenast.com.

If you get selected, give Leah a hug from me!

Hope all of you - especially my mother, mother-in-law, grandmothers, the Momtourage and the Grandmomtourage - have a wonderful Mother’s Day.

You ladies deserve it!

There are far too many examples I’ve been receiving lately that make me seriously question the mental fitness of my countrypeople. I wanna feel proud of this beautiful land, but damn, when I read things like the fact that 13% of registered voters believe Barack Obama is Muslim (even in the wake of this Reverend Wright silliness? Who are these people?) or witness talentless, perpetually stoned warbler Jason Castro propel to the #3 spot on “American Idol”, I get very sad. And angry.

Nothing, however, perplexes me quite like the emails I receive when I have an article up on MSN.com. As most of you who read this blog know, I am a freelance writer, and often, I pen dating and relationships-oriented articles for MSN.com’s “dating and personals” section. Most of these articles focus on a particular dating topic like “dating after divorce” or “how to get over your fear of first dates”, and are written in a question and answer style, with my interviewing an author or professional who lends his or her thoughts/professional advice on the topic.

It is ABUNDANTLY clear - if you actually read the articles, that is - that the opinions expressed in said articles are those of the experts, and that I’m merely the interviewer/transcriber. However, there are lots of folks out there who don’t quite comprehend that, and this baffles me, much in the way Paris Hilton’s celebrity or the popularity of the WWF does.

Each time one of my articles goes up, I get countless emails from nutjobs across the country who have found fault with what “I” have to say on each subject. I won’t even get into how frightening I find people who actually take the dating and relationships pieces I write MSN.com seriously enough to track down my email address, much less write me with their thoughts, but what really strikes me is how it seems most people don’t understand how a question and answer exchange works, and the difference between one who “questions” and one who “answers”. I mean, am I the idiot here, or is this a concept one learns in elementary school?

For the past couple of days, I have had a piece up on the site called “How to win over a bad boy”. For this piece, I interviewed and quoted Lauren Frances, celebrity love coach and author of Dating, Mating and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men. While your average 4th grader could figure out after reading the article’s intro that the opinions listed next to each “A:” section are her answers, all sorts of wackos don’t, and email me their irate comments.

Here’s a sampling of some I have received today (some of which were actually posted to the blog, as it’s listed in my byline):

“Just read the stupid Bad Boy article on MSN. God you’re an idiot. Why the f**k are you wasting space like you are? I hope you’re kids are smarter than you - we don’t need any more dips**ts sucking down what clean air is left.”

I love how that person called me an idiot, yet is unaware of how to correctly use “your” and “you’re”.  And such rage over a dating article on MSN.com. And I’m the dips**t sucking down what clean air is left? Discuss.

“I have been a frequent reader of your articles that appear on the front page of msn.com. I hope you are able to handle constructive criticism because I have plenty of it for you. Just when I think you were incapable of writing something more moranic than the day before, you do. You suprise me once again with your article about winning over a bad boy. What do you hope to accomplish by these articles? If you are trying to come across as a secularist, libretarian, atheist, pagan, individualistist, hedonist pig, then you more than surpass that title. You seem to be encouraging women and men to have fun at all cost. Do you believe that hopping from bed to bed will somehow make things better for people and not worse? In any relationship emotions are invloved. No matter how hard you try to keep things “fun”, you are really leading people down a road of misery and heartache with your senseless babbling articles which will have an adverse effect on many of your readers. Your endless attempts at comedic humor are an insult to people with a brain. As a Catholic, I am offended by your writing and I insist you stop encouraging sexual promiscuity in your articles. The lives you damage by your articles will be on your conscience and you will be called to account for it. Perhaps if you yourself were on the recieving end of one of these “relationships” that ended with heatache and pain, you would learn sooner or later that its not all about “fun.” Perhaps you should investigate the Catholic Church’s teachings on sexuality and the sacredness of the human body. Specifically the Theology of the Body written by Pope John Paul II. Here you will find the true value of the human person instead of making people sexual toys. In closing, I believe your writing needs to change. You need to find ways of focusing on helping people instead of focusing on perverted desires.”

I’m not even sure where to begin with that one, but that spelling-challenged gentleman writes me all the time, calling me a pervert, moron and, my personal favorite, “hedonist pig”. How very “Catholic” of him! Uh, dude…the last time I checked, Jesus wasn’t so into name-calling…

“Chelsea- 

You know really nothing of bad boys…

I’m a bad boy and you have us figured out only just a little bit, But nice try kid!!

If I caught you, I bet I could make you love me & do everything I want,even something you said you never would do. But I’ve got what I want, cause that what every smart bad boy is doing , working on finding what he really wants and then when he get that he makes the right moves to get & keep it…So anyway…keep taken those lessons wherever you are getting them, but get some more tutoring from a bad bay, before you talk about them. Cause there are women out there who are gonna take your advice and end up getting hurt emotionally. cause a bad boy is still a bad boy for life.He just always play it smarter than the average male,cause to him it’s strategy,from beginning to end,for life.”

Abundant grammar and spelling mistakes aside, what I like most about that one is his “knowledge” of me.  And the bold text added nice emphasis - thanks!

“I normally don’t comment on anything that I read, but I felt compelled to do so from this article that was written from extreme arrogance and ignorance, obviously from a woman who is bitter and inexperienced…I have slept with many (beautiful) women who were absolutely drop dead gorgeous and never 1 time even complimented them on their looks and treated them like dirt. In fact, I found out later that the reason I ended up with them was because I never did compliment them or treat them well at all and they wanted to ‘conquer’ me to change that. It never worked and I saw them again…until I became bored and broke it off.”

I love how this gentleman boasts of his “many (beautiful)” conquests and demeaning treatment of them, yet bashes “my” take on bad boys. He also goes on to list his MySpace page - seriously, who has a MySpace page anymore ? It’s hilarious - check out his identifying photo. Classy.

I’m all for spirited discourse and even criticism of my work, but seriously, people, if you’re gonna write to me about my articles, try reading them first, ok?

Labels: in the news, interesting articles, rants

Tune in to Baltimore’s WBAL-AM tomorrow at 11 a.m. EST and 8 p.m. EST to hear my suggestions for some super cool Mother’s Day gifts. To listen in live, click here and the click on the red “listen live” box in the top left-hand area of the page.

Heres’ what I’m recommending you consider getting your favorite mom:

1) If she’s a gardening mama….

Year of Seeds

This kit includes 12 months worth of easy-to-grow seeds (specifically, petunias, marigolds, pansies, lobelia, alyssum, zinnias, impatiens, baby’s breath, dianthus, cosmos, poppies and sweet peas), organic soil and 12 cute little clay pots with trays.
$75, redenvelope.com

2) If she’s a music-loving mama…

Juno CD
What’s just as charming as last year’s indie hit “Juno”? Its sweet, indie soundtrack. With tracks from The Moldy Peaches, The Kinks and SonicYouth, it’s sure to get plenty of airtime in Mom’s car or on her ipod.
$11.96, bn.com.

3) If she’s a centered Earth mother…

Recycled Yoga Bag
For the Zen mama, there’s no gift like this recycled Yoga bag made in Cambodia from recycled rice and feed bags. Originally, this material was used to carry commodities in Southeast Asia, but it has been dyed and refashioned into a colorful, durable bag by disadvantaged Cambodian workers. The proceeds from each handmade, certified fair trade bag will help provide for these workers. Cute and charitable.

$35, uncommongoods.com
4) If she’s a cookie bakin’ mama…

Personalized Silicone Spatulas
What do you get for the baker who has everything? A set of her own personalized (along the lines of “Sherry’s Kitchen”) pink silicone spatulas! Ideal for mixing, stirring, scraping and folding, these three handy kitchen essentials are molded from flexible silicone that won’t chip or crack. Able to withstand heat up to 800°F, the heads are removable for cleaning in a dishwasher, and they feature round maple handles, which provide a more comfortable handhold. Don’t forget that this just may be the gift that keeps on giving (read: more cookies for you!).
$27.50, williams-sonoma.com

6) If she’s the queen bee of the house…

Helen Ficalora Crown Necklace
For the mom who truly rules both house and home, treat her like the royalty she is with this gold and diamond necklace. If she’s more of a no-frills queen, opt for the (slightly less expensive) version without diamonds.
$260 and $185, helenficalora.com

Check out these deals from one of my favorite blogs, Jamie’s Foods and Finds:

MAY 4-11: LET’S DISH! OFFERS FREE MEAL TO NEW MOMS

In honor of Mother’s Day, DC-area Let’s Dish! locations are offering a FREE meal to any of you who have given birth in 2008. During Mother’s Day week, May 4 to May 11, just stop by one of the participating locations and pick up your free, ready-made dish, which serves 4-6 people. One less dinner entrée you have to worry about! And yes, moms of twins get TWO free meals. They promise no obligation of any kind – You just have to provide your email address and proof of birth or adoption when you stop by (aka birth announcement, hospital bracelet, birth certificate, or similar). Valid at the following Let’s Dish locations: Rockville, Gaithersburg, Columbia, Timonium, Alexandria, Ashburn, and Fairfax.


Britax Roundabout $150 at babyage.com

The Britax Roundabout car seat retails for $220 and rarely goes on sale for less than $190. Here is one for $149.99. These are the collegiate version, so they have a college logo embroidered on the cover. There are currently 11 colleges to choose from (including Maryland and Virginia, DC Momtourage ladies). Get free shipping with the code APRILBABY even though it is May. The code may have expired at the end of April, but give it a try. Otherwise shipping is $8 for any size order.

Three momtourage members - Jillian, Rhea (of lucky uterus creator fame) and Hallie - have delivered baby boys in the past week. Little Marlon Jonah, Samuel Miles and Charles Sutton join old-timer momtourage baby boys Seth Philip (Alicia’s, born in February), Jordan Benjamin (Lauren’s, born in March) and, of course, my Drew (also born in March).

In case you haven’t received the memo, boys are so the new black.

Mazel tov, everyone!